The Countdown

5 Days, 11 Hours
But who's counting, right?
I have these fleeting moments of panic, but I'm starting to think I'll be on the bandwagon with the other "I'm so glad it's OVER" folk. Everything has been moving right on schedule, and nothing has derailed me so far. The move is going well. Two more trips to get the remainder of my shit out, and the place is mostly cleaned (Thank you, awesome boyfriend, dad and dad's lady friend!!!). My things are packed and all accommodations are set. I have one more shift after tonight, and I'll be out of here. I'm going to try to get one more knitting session in before I go on Sunday evening. Then one more night with Joseph before I go. I suppose I'll be alright without him, but I will miss his soothing quality and his funny commentary. It feels like we've developed a whole selection of inside jokes that no one else can appreciate. And when he laughs, his whole face lights up and I can't help but feel like all is well in the world for that moment. I'm sure I will be very ready to see him when he comes out to meet us. His brother's girlfriend is a fellow knitter (I just found this out) and somehow it makes me feel like everything will be alright. Odd, but true.
I'm not too scared of the pain at the moment.
I'm tired just thinking about the drive on Monday.
I want to puke when I think of how close the surgery is-kind of like I feel when I think about flying in an airplane.
I'm not sure if I'm scared of the anxiety just before the procedure-I've been able to take it one step at a time so far.
I'm looking forward to a month off, and to having a visit with my daughter. The visit was just set up a week ago, and I'm really happy I'll get to see her.
I'm nervous about my sex life, but I guess that will be figured out.
I've got some pretty underthings that I think will make me feel better about my empty boob sacks.

I've thought of my mom several times today. Missed her a bit. The girls at work ended up having a food fight, and I totally let it go (though I'm sure that wouldn't be considered "professional"). Mom would have been very happy about a food fight. It was in her honor that I sat in the office and listened to the kids giggle and run around. Life sure is changing. Nothing shocks me, but lots of things do surprise me. I think surgery will come with a few surprises as well. And I'm okay with that at the moment. I feel loved and I feel like my needs are getting met. That's a lot more that other people get, right?

The Bye Bye Boobie Party

I felt an incredible sense of support on Sunday when all my Knitter friends threw me a goodbye party for my boobs. We did a casting of my chest, and I'm excited to see that my guy is showing interest in painting it. He's a wonderful artist, and I can't wait to see what he comes up with.
Some folks have taken a little while to come around about this surgery stuff, and some have been very understanding right from the start, but I think we're all on the same page now. I'm starting to be anxious to get this over with. At least the initial surgery. I feel like I've thought through every detail and planned as well as anyone could given the number of variables inherent to this type of thing. Work has been putting the screws to me a bit, and I'm looking forward to a vacation-as odd as it will be.
I've got my bag all packed and I'm finalizing the knitting projects that will come with. The moving is going well, and there will hopefully be a furniture moving session on Monday-bringing me closer to being out of my apartment. It is starting to look rather bare. I feel like this portion of my life is wrapping up and when I return to town, a new phase will begin. I'm rather optimistic about it-which is somewhat unlike me.
Dad's prostate treatment (seeding) will happen next Wednesday, and I'm hoping all goes very smoothly with him. I'll feel better about being obsessed with my own surgery when his is done. I guess mine is much more invasive, but still... He's my Pop and I want to be as supportive and available as possible.
My theme song has been "You can't always get what you want, but you get what you need." So, so true...

19 days and counting...Fuck, this is going to be tough.

The Pics Are In!

So the photo shoot is done. I'm very pleased with the results-I think they'll be a great memorandum to the girls.
I completely freaked out in the shower two days ago while soaping up. The reality that I was cutting parts of me off hit really hard. The next shower (which I procrastinated in taking) I kept my bra on for. That seemed to help. The last shower I took went fine-sans bra.
My bag is half packed and most of the details of my trip are planned out. It's just a matter of getting the apartment packed up and getting through the last shifts at work. I can't believe I leave town in 25 days...This is really happening.